And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
