I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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