How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i need some magic done to my vagina
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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