Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
