Whats the glycemic index on semen?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
