I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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