It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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