We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
