Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Mom said you looked used
you had me at cake vodka
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
