dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
