The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
