And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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