this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
