toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
