Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
