Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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