I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
