HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
