I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
