So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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