Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is Oprah even human
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
