No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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