Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
