3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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