some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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