Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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