A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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