He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
