So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
