God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
