Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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