Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
