haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
