best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
