have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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