are you still at the devil's house?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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