??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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