I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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