I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
