yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
