Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
