Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
