why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
