Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm too high and old for this...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
