obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she smelled like a LAN party
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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