I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
