It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
