So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
As shirtless as possible
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
