I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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