Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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