also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
